


Confronting Heartache

by FairyTaleAdventures



Category: The Good Doctor (TV 2017)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-15
Updated: 2020-08-15
Packaged: 2021-03-05 22:35:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,491
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25922950
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FairyTaleAdventures/pseuds/FairyTaleAdventures
Summary: The door opened just enough to reveal Audrey in her typical nightly loungewear.As their eyes met, the anger he had been feeling completely disappeared, suddenly overshadowed by a wave of guilt. Her eyes were dry, but he could tell she had been crying. Her eyes were swollen and red, and tear-stains still dampened her cardigan sleeve.It wasn’t the first time he had been the source of her tears, but it was the first time he felt an overwhelming amount of self loathing._____________________I received a request to do a continuation of the S3 deleted scene and after some trouble trying to find it, this was created. A fic featuring a real open and honest discussion. I hope I did it justice.
Relationships: Audrey Lim/Neil Melendez
Comments: 10
Kudos: 39





	Confronting Heartache

They went their separate ways, both of them holding onto the mix of anger and sadness that threatened to pour out in shattering waves. The air that hung between them was heavy. So many words left unsaid. So many dismissive thoughts clouding their judgement. This was not how the day was supposed to work out - her walking away from him with the uncertainty of what their future looked like. 

Neil hadn't meant for things to get this far. He's not exactly sure what he wanted, but this was certainly not it. Events had started to spiral from one disagreement to the next until they were arguing about things that were no longer on topic.

It was as if they couldn't control it. 

They had spent so many years arguing and bickering about nonsense, it was almost like it was hard wired into their relationship. But this was different. This is the first time there was raw emotions at play. Where the severity of their words actually had detrimental consequences - consequences neither of them wanted to confront.

But it was still better this way, Neil convinced himself as he got into his car. Give her some space and they could both take some time to put things into perspective. Figure out what they really wanted and then approach the situation after a night of rest, when their minds were free of any judgement.

Tonight, he would go home, finish the leftovers of the casserole she had ordered, take a shower using her bottle of shampoo (as he had forgotten replace his empty one that morning), tidy up the journals he was certain she had left sprawled out on the living room table, and then get into bed. Alone. Into cold sheets that still carried the familiar scent of her. 

And a realisation finally hit him. This was going to be the first night they were intentionally sleeping apart and the sudden awareness of that fact brought Neil stumbling down a dark path.

They had spent many nights apart during the course of their relationship, but it was always due to the fact that the other was caught up at work. Even the one time Audrey had accidentally fallen asleep at her own place, they hadn’t slept apart. It was early in their relationship, not long after the events that took place during the Christmas quarantine. Audrey promised she would come over but as soon as her head hit her pillow, she was out. When it got late and Neil hadn’t heard from her, he had driven over to her place worried, only to find her bike in the driveway and the kitchen lights still on. He let himself in with his spare key and found her in bed, under the covers, still dressed in the work attire she had worn that day. He simply toed off his shoes and shrugged off his jacket before slipping in next to her, wrapping an arm securely around her stomach. She had hummed in contentment and nestled into his embrace, the both of them sleeping soundly that night. 

He gripped the steering wheel tighter as he travelled down the dim road. Was this it? They had spent so many years both so afraid to begin a relationship. Afraid of the commitment. Afraid of what would happen if things didn't work out. Afraid of what would happen if things  _ did _ work out. 

Now that they had spent time together exploring a relationship, he couldn't imagine a future without her in it. 

Neil wouldn’t let that happen.

Making a sharp right at the next intersection, he rerouted towards Audrey’s house. 

He hoped she would be home. Even though it was nearing midnight, he knew she liked to take long drives along the coast during times of uncertainty. It’s how she processed her emotions. It gave her the feeling of control, where she could freely get lost in her thoughts and be completely honest with herself. He just hoped her late night ride didn’t result in the conclusion that he didn’t deserve the chance to express his regret. 

Pulling into her driveway, he let out a breath as he noticed a soft glow coming from her den. To anyone walking past, it would look as if she were asleep, as most were at this time of night. But Neil knew she wouldn’t be asleep after the day's events. She would be doing the same thing he would be doing if he were home right now: lying awake thinking about what went wrong and how to fix it.

The recognition that she was home made his palms sweaty, despite the cool night breeze. Shutting his car door quietly - as not to disturb the neighbours, Neil walked up to her front porch, composed himself, and knocked just loud enough for her to hear. 

He waited, letting the sound of the crickets in the distance overpower the nervous ringing in his ears. He knew she knew it was him. No one else would dare knock on her door so late at night, especially with no warning. Even though he had the key to her home dangling on the keychain in his pocket, he wanted to give her the control. If she opened the door, it would be a good sign. It meant she was willing to talk to him, and more importantly, that he hadn’t completely screwed everything up.

Neil didn’t have to wait long before he heard her footsteps approach and the porch light switched on. The door opened just enough to reveal Audrey in her typical nightly loungewear.

As their eyes met, the anger he had been feeling completely disappeared, suddenly overshadowed by a wave of guilt. Her eyes were dry, but he could tell she had been crying. Her eyes were swollen and red, and tear-stains still dampened her cardigan sleeve. 

It wasn’t the first time he had been the source of her tears, but it was the first time he felt an overwhelming amount of self loathing.

He hadn’t known how much his actions had affected her. 

She had stood her ground. Completely composed, she had told him the facts. Told him how he was not a fault, and how he did everything he could and more to prevent the devastating outcomes, all while continuing to reassure him she was in no way biased against him. 

And he had ignored her. 

Neil realised as she stared at him with a look of fatigue, he hadn’t come over with a plan. His only goal was to see her, be in her presence. He hadn’t thought about what he was going to do once that was achieved.

“Hi,” he started carefully, his throat dry. “Can I come in?”

She didn’t respond, and Neil almost thought she was going to change her mind and shut the door in his face, but instead she opened the door further, moving aside to allow him to enter. 

His lips twitched in gratitude as he passed her, letting himself down her open hallway which led to her kitchen, partially illuminated by the light coming from the den. When she stopped a few feet away from him, half way between the kitchen and her den, Neil frowned at the excess space between them, but chose not to comment.

Neil collected himself before beginning, his words coming out in a hoarse whisper. “I hurt you.”

“Yes, you did,” it was the first thing she said since he had arrived, and the vulnerability of her words surprised him. Part of him expected her to yell at him; wanted her to yell at him. He had been insensitive and dismissive and completely unfair. Not only did he feel like a bad person, but he felt like a bad partner. 

Partner’s were supposed to give their unconditional support and love, and she had been nothing less than perfect. He on the other hand, had been lacking as of recently. He wasn’t jealous of her position as Chief; he never had been. She was perfect for the position. She was hardworking, dedicated, and was honestly attempting to do good. She was a natural and her actions simply highlighted all the reasons he had fallen in love with her. Where he was having drawbacks was with their unexpected power imbalance. They had spent so many years as equals, sharing things between the two of them they wouldn’t dare tell their superiors. He felt like he had lost a part of his partner that he had become so accustomed to relying on, and that made him uneasy. 

He almost wished she had gotten the position sooner, before they were a couple, so they had a chance to find their way as colleagues before throwing a romantic relationship into the mix. Figuring out the two dynamics at the same time was a challenge.

But it was a challenge, Neil concluded, he was more than willing to make.

“I’m sorry” Neil finally said, his gaze shifting to the floor between them in shame. “It was never my intention to hurt you. I was angry and upset and I took it out on you, even after you were nothing but kind and caring.”

She wrapped the cardigan tightly around her midsection, and he could tell by her actions his words did not have the desired effect he was hoping for. She was retreating, closing herself off to him.

“I was just so angry at myself,” he continued, meeting her eyes again. “Angry that I pushed for a plan I knew had significant risks and then disappointed when it ended in tragedy. I could only blame myself, and when I did, no one else participated in my self hatred, even though I felt like I deserved it. The guilt overwhelmed me, so to cope, I betrayed your confidence to try and shift some of the guilt onto you. It was wrong and I'm sorry.”

Her eyes began to well up with tears, threatening to spill, but she didn't lose her composure. “I don’t regret my decisions. I made the right choices.”

“You're right.” He made a step towards her but she stepped back, keeping the distance between them.

“But you made me second guess myself,” she continued. “For the first time, you made me feel like I failed.” The tears were falling freely now. “That I failed you.”

Neil wanted nothing more than to wipe her tears away and gather her into his arms, whispering soft comforts into her hair. But he couldn’t. “Audrey, you could never fail me.” This time when he took a step forward, she didn’t back away. “I am so incredibly proud of you and I know nothing I have done lately can confirm that, but it’s the truth.” 

There was so much more he wanted to tell her, so many praises that lingered in the back of his mind. But she didn’t want to hear them. Not now anyways. 

Audrey didn’t respond, but she wiped her tears away with the back of her sleeve and nodded slightly, letting him know she was appreciative of his apology. 

There was a long pause where they simply stared at one another, trying to gain an insight to what the other was thinking. They had always been good at that, reading each other's minds. Neil knew she wanted nothing more than for things to go back to where they were before this mess. They were in a good place. They were building a life together. All their decisions had become intertwined. From all the minor decisions like what brand of toothpaste they were going to buy to the more major ones regarding where they were going to spend their Thanksgiving. They had even discussed finding a little place of their own to move into, one that hadn’t been tainted with their past lives.

But there was still a hint of uncertainty longing in the back of her eyes. 

“How do we fix this? What can I do to make it right?” Neil asked.

“I don't know,” she answered honestly. “I can't be the person you need me to be anymore.”

“What do you mean?” He took another step towards her, now within arms reach.

“I couldn't be the person you needed for comfort when you were upset. You wouldn't talk to me or tell me how I could help you and that is because of my position as your boss. You never would have retreated like that before. If I can't be who you need when you're upset-“ her voice trailed off. She didn't want to finish that sentence. She didn't need to. They both knew how it was going to end.

“That's not true.” Neil said, ignoring the lump in his throat as his own eyes began to water. “I need you so much more than you realise.”

“But-“

“No,” Neil cut in, unable to listen to Audrey explain all the ways she thought she was not right for him. “Please stop. I spent years wondering what it would be like to wake up beside you. To kiss you freely and live a life with you. Now that I’ve experienced the reality of it all, I don’t want to give it up. I can’t.” A tear slipped down his face and Audrey moved into his space, using the pad of her thumb to wipe it away. 

She linked their hands together, a small smile on her lips.

“I feel the same way.”

Neil huffed out a laugh of relief. 

“This is still all so new to us. We just need time to work out the kinks.”

“You're right,” she sighed. “You're right and I'm sorry.”

Neil squeezed her fingers lightly. “You have nothing to apologise for.”

Her face went serious again. “Just promise me you’re not going to place the blame on me every time you experience a patient loss or things don’t go your way. Because that fate is unavoidable. You know we’ll eventually be in a similar situation.”

“I won’t. I promise.” His response was immediate. “I’ve learned from my mistakes.”

“Ok." She believed him. 

Their eyes met once more, and this time, there was a softness that illuminated their features. “So now what do you want to do?” He expected her to tell him she still needed a few days of space. He would understand if she did. There was a lot that happened between them in such a few short days. Maybe spending a bit of time alone wasn't the worst idea, no matter how much he didn’t want to. 

But her answer surprised him: “I want you to hold me.”

Neil couldn’t help but smile at that.

“I would want for nothing less.”

With one of their hands still connected, Audrey led him up the stairs towards her bedroom where her bed sat in the middle of the room untouched. Neil figured she was likely having the same anxieties about sleeping apart and was planning to spend the night on her couch, hence the extra blankets he had noticed in her den when he had first walked in.

“I washed the clothes you left here.” She opened a drawer and pulled out one of his old t-shirts and a pair of joggers. “You can change in here, I’ll be right back.” He couldn’t help but grin at the image of her washing his clothes. The first time he found her clothes mixed in with his own, he felt an oddly warm feeling at the domesticity of the situation. He wondered if she had a similar experience.

They had come such a long way in a few short months.

Their relationship was natural, never awkward or etched with uncertainty. Even the first time they made love - really made love, not under the influence of alcohol or an excess of pent up stress, there was never any awkwardness. Just two people who had waited years for their moment and when it approached, spent every second taking their time simply enjoying the action of exploring one another, with the silent promise that they would never stop. 

When Audrey reappeared into the room, she switched off the light, shrugged off her cardigan, and slipped into her side of the bed, into the comfort of Neil's open arms. 

She sighed in contentment as he pulled her closer to him, her head on his chest as he absentmindedly traced random lines along her bare arm. 

They didn’t talk. They didn’t need to.

Neil wanted to tell her he loved her. But he couldn’t bring himself to say the words. Not because he didn’t feel that way, he did, but he didn’t want the first time he said them to be flooded with unhappy memories. 

He would tell her eventually, soon, but for now, their relationship was exactly where it needed to be.

  
  


* * *

  
  
  


When Audrey awoke the next morning, Neil was already gone.

She wasn't surprised. She knew he had an early morning start and vaguely remembered being stirred from her sleep as he kissed her temple and wished her a good day on his way out.

Audrey sighed at the memory and rolled over onto his side of the bed, pulling his pillow underneath her head for the added comfort. 

She wasn’t used to waking up in her own bed. The two of them spent most of their nights at Neil’s. It was a mutual agreement. His place was much bigger and he had double the office space, something that came in handy on the nights they were both swamped with work and needed a little space from one another.

It was weird at first. She had spent so much time at his place before they were dating, that it was an odd feeling knowing she wouldn’t have to leave at the end of the night. In the beginning, she would catch herself constantly looking at her watch, calculating when it was time to leave and then smiling when she realised she didn’t have to. 

It took some getting used to, but they had fallen into a routine quickly. Within weeks of declaring their relationship, most of Audrey’s necessities were at Neil’s place. He had begun to refer to it as  _ their _ place. The first time he did, she’s not certain he meant to say it so casually. They were surrounded by their residents and were in discussion about an old surgical technique he had once read about in one of the outdated journals he had on the bookshelf in their living room. When he had used the determiner, she had to stop herself from smiling widely and leaning over to kiss him. 

That led to their first open and honest discussion about their relationship and where it was headed. 

Rolling over to grab her phone that lay on her bedside table, she smiled at the morning message sent by Neil, followed by the term of endearment he knew she only pretended to hate, and the promise that he would meet her for lunch at her favourite spot at noon.

She was no longer mad at him, satisfied with his apology and their emotional talk that followed. She had been conflicted the past few days. She knew Neil was hurting. Mourning the loss of a patient was never something you could just brush off, but he had been pulling away from her. For the first time in many years, he wouldn't talk to her, open up about his feelings and let her hold him while he grieved. It made her feel out of control. As if the fate of their relationship laid solely in his hands. 

It was an unnatural feeling. In past relationships, she was always the one who retreated, was closed off, and ultimately made the decision to end things. With Neil, it was different. Their relationship was balanced with the perfect amount of give and take. She never had to hide parts of herself. He had known her for so long that he already knew the worst sides of her; knew what made her tick. And yet, he loved her despite all those things.

He hadn't said the words out loud (neither had she), but she knew. He showed it through his actions in all the little things he would do. Like the way he would research her hidden passions just so he could engage her in a conversation, or the way he would wait on the couch in her office while she finished paperwork, even after he had had a tiring day and she told him to leave without her, promising she would follow him home shortly. 

She never had to question his feelings for her. 

Among all else, they just wanted to be together. Even so, Audrey had to remind herself, they were not invincible; that every couple had to face obstacles and they were no different. But their feelings of uncertainty was nothing compared to the overwhelming love they shared for one another.

They were going to be just fine.


End file.
